Today, I realized I had been chained by a what if. This what if had crippled me with regret and uncertainty. This single what if haunted my thoughts for many years. It began with a decision to end an organization that I was passionate about. For years, I had questioned, at times, did I quit OR did I really hear God and let it go? I wrestled with the uncertainty.
I struggled if the best (for me) was missed and I knew that God was leading me to pray:
Father, I pray for your forgiveness if I was wrong. I am ready to relinquish the hold this has had over me. I am ready to be free. I want the essence of my life back – my creativity, my ability to dream, my confidence. I refuse to believe the best is behind me. I need to see a vision for my future. I need to believe that my life has value and purpose. My dear Savior, I need You to fill me with Your wisdom. Grace me with the ability to remember the joys of my past and each milestone. Grant me the power to overcome the debilitating affects of what I perceived as mistakes. Grow my understanding of Your ways, Your insights, and Your paths to restoration and fulfillment of purpose. Help me take the first step in the direction of that which I fear. Help me be bold. Help me be courageous. Take guard over me so that I may trust in You fully.
I really want the focus of my what ifs to be different. What if the decisions I made were important to bring me to where I am? What if I was never out of Your will but rather walking right where I needed to be? What if the many years of drought had brought me to the well of life that You have set before me? What if you allowed me to experience opportunities that I would have missed if I had not made that decision? What if you were preparing me for a time yet to be determined?
Wow! My perspective must change. O, dear Savior, save me … from me. Touch my mind. Secure my soul. Fasten my will. Guide me down the paths for Your name sake. Hone my perception of reality to Yours. May the pace of my race be that which You require of eternity. May I not lose sight that Your presence is that which matters most.
Deliver me from the pessimism of what if. My future is bright. The next step of the journey begins now. I will open the door to a new day, a new sunrise, a new beginning. Salvation has come. Salvation I welcome. Salvation I receive.”